Feeling Old

I never thought I'd be feeling old, since inside I still feel like a kid most of the time. In fact, some times just growing up is still a challenge to be faced daily. However... the difference between being fifty and being sixty really shows when you try to keep up with people.

We had the most wonderful visit here from our son Ben and his wife Ruth, bringing our wonderful granddaughter Ashley for her first visit to our home in the Rockies. I couldn't keep up. Worse yet, I got grumpy. I could visualize the clock ticking away on their short visit, while I was so exhausted I couldn't sleep at night. It was little consolation that Ashley seemed almost as weary as Grandma, but not much. 

I knew my condition was made worse by a decision to leave my smoking habit behind about three weeks ago, which pretty much destroys sleeping habits anyway, along with other minor considerations like attitude, patience, ability to breathe, think, reason — you get the picture. I don't know why someone didn't just hit me with a shovel. And I can still say it was a great visit. It needed to be longer and slower. It couldn't be.

They left on Friday, and then on Monday I called my doctor and said, "Hi. Remember how I wanted to quit smoking? Well, it's been 3 1/2 weeks now, and you can either give me something to help me sleep, or I'm done. It's not worth it." He saw me immediately. My blood pressure was way up. My pulse was racing. He said I looked exhausted. He gave me a prescription, a pep talk, and hearty congratulations. Then he said to call at any time, day or night, and to buy some lemon drops.

This morning we'll leave for California. I actually slept five uninterrupted hours last night, so I feel great. Normal for me is only about six anyway, and I've been averaging about two for three and a half weeks, so I'm happy this morning. So, Ben and Ruth, I sure wish I had thought to see my good doctor before you had come, but I just wasn't that smart. I guess I had to get really desperate first. Thanks for coming here. I know how little time you get for vacations, and we really loved having you here. Next time I should be more normal... but still old.